I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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