guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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