Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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