Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
