Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
