Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
