Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
