remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
