Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
