Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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