You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
