i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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