was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
