yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
