I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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