Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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