thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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