he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
