Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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