The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
