wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
