hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I could make wine with my vomit
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She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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