I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nobody cheats on THIS.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
