sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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