I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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