your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
