its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
