i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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