We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
