Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
