The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
