He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
