Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Barsexuality is the new black.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
