Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
