before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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