is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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