I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
