I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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