i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
