he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
