gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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