The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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