So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
