I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
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Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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