you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
