You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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