theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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