Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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