im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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