What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
