apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
