I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
