my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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