you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
