um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
