I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
