This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone shit on the floor
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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