made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fuck appropriateness.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
