Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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