If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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