If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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