I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
