the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Let's get the cat blown out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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