I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
