Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
