Pappa wants mamma naked
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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