Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
