I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
