i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
