he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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