May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
