my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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