i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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