Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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